I went downtown today to get a picture of the guy in silver who stands around soliciting people for money, in order to tell my most recent bums hate me story. When the weather took a turn for the worse, so did my day.
Before I left the house this was what I had written:
Bums hate me. I set off the crazy gene in bums whenever I get near. I’m crazy candy. I try and keep to myself and mind my own business when I’m out and about, but it’s no use. My misadventures with bums started pretty soon after I had moved into the neighborhood. I had a half eaten apple thrown at me. I didn’t know bums were so privileged that they can afford to throw away a perfectly good piece of food. And produce for that matter!
The bums, they seem to make a beeline right for me regardless of the other bystanders around. Once a lady bum was coming around the corner yelling at the top of her lungs at no one in particular, until I’m there. She fixes her eyes on me, and as I pass, she yells into my ear, “I was making four grand a month working as a nurse, I’m NOT fucking crazy.” Yet, the fact that she reeks of ass and is walking around the city with no shoes on, begs to differ with the end of her statement.
Walking home from downtown is increasingly my Kryptonite. One night, a guy started following us, me and a group of friends, down the street, talking to my boyfriend telling him how he was hanging out with some ugly girls. He kept talking about how ugly we were. I got so fed up with this, I turned around and yelled, “You’re just angry ‘cause you’re homeless!”
The most recent event (until today!), I was accosted by a man painted completely in silver. He’s usually standing in Union Square on a crate soliciting people for money. My boyfriend, our friend Gintah, and I were walking home from downtown after dinner, and as we were stopped at a crosswalk the man in silver turned to face me, me out of the three possible victims, and yelled in my face, “Don’t fucking look at me.” There I was, again, with friends, minding my own business, and I'm being yelled at. He looked like he wanted to punch me in the face, there was spittle on the side of his mouth, which was making me think he may have rabies. Not wanting to get punched in the face, I told him he looked nice. Never having been in this particular circumstance before, my brain was failing me.
As the light changed, the man painted completely in silver sped off across the street, still yelling heartwarming things about me as he walks off like, “I hate you, you stupid-fucking-evil-white-bitch.” And I responded, my courage growing just a bit as he got further away, “That’s not nice.” "YOU'RE not nice," he yelled back as he marched on.
After the man painted in sliver wasn't in view, Gintah turned to me and said, “I thought you were crazy when you told me that bums hate you, but wow! They really do!”
Annnnnnnd, that's where it would have ended except there's more...
As it started to sprinkle today and I had missed my opportunity for the picture of the mean man in silver, I entered Borders to get out of the rain and maybe do some early Christmas shopping. I wasn't there for long since my tummy was telling me it was time for lunch. As I left Borders I noticed a man yelling at a woman as I passed. I had only glanced for a moment, but that's all you need really. As I crossed the street, unbeknownst to myself there was something being hurdled at me, until it hit me square in the back. The bum had thrown his full cup of water at me. And I was soaked. Shocked, I turned around to face my attacker...and he was gone! Like a hit and run. Totally gone. It's not fair, I think, I would have given anything to yell at him at that moment. A nice gentleman who had seen the incident asked if I had seen who that was and if I was okay. I responded, "Yes, thank you, I'm okay," explaining that it was some crazy bum that attacked me, and that I was used to this type of treatment due to the fact that, I live in the Tenderloin!
I just have this one last thing to say... If you are a bum and are looking for a victim to lash out against and vent your frustrations on, I am NOT the person to mess with anytime soon, because WATCH OUT, I have my own vengeance to unleash, I won't be such a readily available victim next time.
I had a bum spit a loogie in my face once when I was waiting for the bus with some bags of groceries. I backhanded him and chased him for a block until I realized that probably wasn't a very bright idea. Oh! and once when I was bartending I had a bum walk in and pull a knife out. I still pass him sometimes on the street. He isn't looking so hot. Ah, bums.
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